motormouse

I had a very serious conversation with a good friend on just this topic not so long ago. Granted there may have been a wine or two involved and some good food but we had only reached the warm stage and not quite the tipsy one.

So the first stage is to examine what we think, what images are conjured up when we think of aliens. It may be the horror film scenario, that they’ll kill us all and destroy earth; it could be that they are highly evolved, enlightened and light years ahead of our science and technology, here to teach us how to live in peace and harmony and give up the nuclear bomb;  they could be humanoid; physically different or any variation or extension of the above. But for the purposes of this exercise we will assume that they are not micro organisms but physically and mentally evolved beings.

So lets examine this. The first reaction we may have is of the horror movie image of an alien race who seek to dominate the universe and everything in it. The assumption is that they are evil and we must prepare defenses against them and generally when we imagine this they are not humanoid creatures. So we can assume, if George W was in office, that the US would convince the world to nuc the hell out of this alien race who would be here to rape our women, eat our children and enslave our men. If the nightmare scenario were true what would happen to our notion of self, state and human existence?

Some of Mussolini’s most famous ideas are to do with the nation state, he believed that the best way to forge a nation was to take it to war. Others have stated that the best way to conquer a nation is to divide it. And so we can see the logic here. So this leads us to the question, would the existence of nasty aliens forge a nation (read globe) against a threat from an ‘Other’. The Other is a key concept in philosophy - the Other is singled out as different as opposed to the Same. A person’s definition of the Other is part of what defines or even constitutes the idea of self. i.e. ‘I am not you so therefore I am me’. This can also be described as difference theory. If the alien is the Other, it gives humanity a broader concept of self. By the very existence of an alien, the scope of the Same becomes more inclusive, we accept Africans, Arabs, Asians as Same and not as the Other. So in a split second those who we previously denoted as the Other are now the Same.

Would this lead to global unification? Would world leaders unite a la ‘Independence Day’ to fight the big bad aliens? The self would see itself as under threat at an existential level, the man made and enforced notion of the nation state would collapse as the idea of ‘the earth’ emerges. We can see elements of this at play today with the debate on climate change (imagine this as the alien). With human existence under threat would mankind irrespective of race, creed, bank balance etc draw together? If so, or not, is this a natural state of the human condition?

I’m a bit of a realist so I like to believe that we would draw together in the realisation that we would be stronger against a common threat, that necessity would rule the day and cooperation would ensue to protect mankind. It comes down to Hobbes’  first rule of nature - to preserve your own life. Unfortunately once defeated, the threatening Other is removed and would therefore plunge mankind back into lower notions of Same. We may have learnt some lessons but a person needs an other to be able to exist as a self and form an ‘in group’ and so will create an Other out of necessity. Ok so maybe I’m a bit of a pessimist.

So what if we had the opposite scenario and mankind met a highly evolved alien race who came to earth to teach mankind about peace, love and happiness? So now it’s your turn to consider the existence of mankind. Would this type of Other have a similar effect on mankind? Would we view this as a threatening or non-threatening Other, and where does this argument lead you in relation to the human condition?

A few weeks ago was amazing weather, I was sitting in my office staring out the window (cause it was morning and if I read the newspaper in the am there wouldn’t be anything to do in the afternoon:)) I often catch myself staring out the window when the sky is blue thinking how nice it would be to be out there at a million miles an hour rather then stuck inside dreamin about Hotham to Omeo or the Black Spur or the GOR…..

So a few weeks ago I went along to a girls ride. Yes ok, insert your pun here. But figured it would be a fun social outing to find some cowboys *sigh*. Of course that was the weekend that the weather turned to shit. Instead of going the long way through some nice roads to Goulburn, Mel n I made a dash for it after lunch. Was a bit windy but not too bad and we got there and warmed up. The rest of the girls drove, yes that’s right, drove

Mel and I got stuck into the jimmy and watched Mrs Doubtfire on tv. Maan that was a funny movie on bourbon, although the divorce bit was way too sad hahaha Turns out that was the most fun we had all night, there was nothing NOTHING happening in Goulburn! Cowboys musta been at home on the farm watching the AFL grand final. Three pubs and only a handful of people, most of whom were missing teeth

So Mel and I ended up in bed early on a lumpy bed, then we got up had breakfast, went back to bed, got up had lunch and then put serious thought into whether we should start for Canberra before the weather turned crappy later (although it was already pretty crappy) or go back to bed - totally tough decision. But we decided to get a move on

Well sorta and for a while, then we had to slow right down. We rode home through a cyclone. Yep at *cough* the speed limit *cough* we were getting pushed off the road. Found myself in a situation where I couldn’t speed up, cause I got pushed over more; couldn’t slow down, cause I’d get pushed over more; and couldn’t keep her in the lane!!!!! I was right over with my bum off the seat, wrestling with the bike to keep it on the right side of the white line and I was losing. Frickin scary, kept getting pushed over the line despite my effort. Finally managed to slow down and pull over when I had the chance. Took me a bit to stop shaking I’ll tell you.

Mel and I finally made it home, took a while though, we slowed right down and at times were doing 50km/h on a 110km/h road. One of the nastiest experiences, felt completely helpless. And I am soo glad those girls took the car

I am soooooooo over this winter business and the fake spring we get every year. I get so excited that the weather is getting better and you start planning and heading out on overnighters and then BAM, and its winter, with it’s arctic temperatures, hail, and cyclonic winds which come back to haunt us on the rides we planned while staring out the window.

Over it I tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me just say Woohoo I got Foxy back all fixated from when she got pushed over by a big dirty 4WD bully!! The racing tape has been banished once again!!

So on Sunday afternoon I rode over to Max’s to continue our project bike. I was a little worse for wear as sleep was a little too hard to come by over the weekend, darn parties! Anyway I got myself there and got a big dose of coffee. First things first, give Foxy a proper look over. There were a few things to tidy up, like bleeding the brakes as they were spongy as hell. Also took the time to reset the gear and brake pegs, it’s one of those things I figured I’d get around to and just never did. Jesus it makes a difference, curse my long legs! Hahahaha Thanks to Max for the help!

So the project bike: kwaka GPX550, from like, before I was born….. well …… almost. So the last few weeks we’ve been grinding the valves and the valve seats. Takes a bit of elbow grease and some goopy stuff, that, seriously, is just like a good exfoliante, if a little rough. We started with the least rough of the two pastes we had but found that two inlet and two exhausts were still leaking. So we had to pull them apart again and go at them with the rougher paste. That did the trick and we managed to stop all the leaks!!! How EXCITING!!! No more collets to put into place! Although I reckon I’m a bit of an expert at those little things now, we women folk are generally pretty good at tweezer work hahaha

So now that we had that accomplished, the next step was to reassemble the pistons and fit them. Such pretty new pistons we had too *sigh* Turns out though that the recommended gap in the rings was way out so we had to grind them, the top ring went out to 50 and the middle to 55. That was tricky and a few got a little to ground as I got a little carried away Was a bugger getting the rings onto the first one, especially the oil scrappers, it was tricky to get the three rings to fit into the same groove. But as soon as we got the first one, the rest were a piece of cake J  Then it was time to put in the gungen pins and those little rings designed to keep the gungen pin in place. They were also a little tricky to get in there! Thankfully none went flying into the nether regions of Max’s garage. Then we could finally put our pistons in. My oh my how lovely it looks …………

I feel like we’re getting somewhere in both the bike department and the teaching Tess about mechanics department! Who woulda thought?? I’m starting to think about when we get to turn it over for the first time! But so much work to be done before we get there!

So I know i know you’ve all been waiting for my ride report, well freakin back off I only got back last night!

So before we start I’d like to acknowledge the reason for our day off, cheers Lizzy!

So Saturday morning started out with a nice sleep in which was totally needed cause i was out pretty late Friday and I made it to the meet point at Bungendore at 11 sharp!  Wasn’t a good feeling looking out the window to dark and gloomy clouds though, but that’s what the wet weathers are for!!

After I fuelled up we set off through Braidwood and over the clyde for the worst clyde run I have ever had to bare. It was horrendous!!! There was traffic, traffic and yep, you guessed it more traffic. I was getting soooo frustrated the only thing i could do to stay alive was turn my brain off. So i just sat there behind a row of about 30 cars through some of the funnest bits! It killed me, but I figure better then getting frustrated and doing stupid overtaking moves and ending up in a windshield.

We had lunch in a place i can’t remember the name of, it claims million dollar views on the outside of a grungy lookin pub, turns out the views are amazing though. I had a chicken burger, surprise surprise hahaha

Next stop was Tathra. As predicted we got there hours before the melbourne boys decided to make an appearance. Which meant we got the best beds and a massive head start on the bourbon My stomach was hurting and I had tears rolling down my cheeks before Skuffy and Bubba aka Dad even got there! True to their word we heard the bikes at 6 and in they came, got off the bike and asked where their bourbon was haha. There was also dancing and singing *we still got liiicccenses, we still got moootorcycles*

They had had a really shiteful day. They got rounded up by Constable Derek round Orbost. All of them should have lost their licences and their bikes on the spot but some quick negotiating by Skuffy and Bubba have them all on 12 months good behaviour. Now that is some negotiating prowess. But you can imagine the amusement over the next two nights on what that negotiation may have involved exactly ……………………..

Sunday morning started with panadol and a Red Bull and we were off to Painsville in Victoria. We rode down some roads that i don’t remember the name of and ended up on what looked like an awesome bit of road so I gassed it and almost ended up in a tree. Couldn’t see it but there was black gravel all over the black road. That goes right up there on my list of “I almost died when…” experiences. I turned the throttle and managed to grab the road in time to push the handle bar right over the other way and ended up on the wrong side of the road. I don’t know how i managed to keep it upright but jesus I did good, even if i say so myself! I’m a complete champ!!!  Don’t tell anyone but i did have to stop for a bit after that, at least till my hands stopped shakin so bad, then I putted off down the road at a total grandma speed. (I shouldn’t say that cause my grandma was a hoon )

We then set out for Cann River and yes through Orbost. It was fun, there was skuffy, then Billy, then me and then ….. read a novel …. and then there was everybody else haha. It was horny, Skuffy tipped in, then Billy tipped in then I tipped in … it was like a string of beads, beautiful *sigh*  After lunch at Cann River we headed towards Orbost in an orderly fashion (note to reader: never ever speed anywhere near Orbost!! Especially on a long weekend!). We’d just passed the Orbost turn off when Skuffy and Billy started talkin at each other on the road and pointing behind them. I checked my mirrors and saw a dark territory approaching from behind. I backed off immediately and then saw Billy given me the cop and slow down sign. Turns out Derek was back for blood, or maybe he just took a shining to Skuffy! LOL!  After about 5k’s he pulled over and did a u-turn. Decided he wasn’t going to get us a second time. As Bush would say: “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”

We made it to Painsville ticketless (well for that day anyway) and honed in on the bourbon once again! Ricecooker and I headed downstairs for Karaoke when the conversation went even further towards the gutter then usual. We polite and ladylike  biker chicks can only take so much of that language So we went in search of a dance floor and guess what?????? we bumped into a Bachelor party. Who woulda guessed it?

Monday morning started with panadol and Redbull and we waved goodbye to the Melbourne component of our riding party and headed off back towards Orbost and Cann River while watching our mirrors like hawks. Ricecooker and I made it to Cann River and hung around, then avartie showed up and we waited around for barconian. We figured something must have happened, he ain’t that slow! So we headed back towards Orbost. Extra 3 hours in the saddle looking for him when we got the message he decided to do the Bonang, and without telling us. So we got into Canberra late, cold, in the dark and pissed off. So lesson learnt for Barconian, never leave the group without telling someone where you’re going! Needless to say he owes us bourban!

Ricecooker and I made it to coffee night right at 6pm and caught the stragglers. Then we headed home for hot showers, food and some much needed quality bed time!

Pretty awesome weekend really. Wasn’t many good twistie k’s but there was awesome company, awesome parties and all up, yep, pretty awesome.

I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of a next topic, so I thought I’d go stream of conscious style and see what happens. So are you up for an adventure? Cause not even I know where this will end up

At the moment I’m lying on the couch in my tracksuit pants watching a truely lame arsed Antonio Banderas film. It’s Strictly Ballroom meets Dangerous Minds, yeash, yet I’m kinda secretly enjoying it. Probably cause it involves dancing and I’ve always been a fan of shaking my big arse all over the place Something lacking in my older years I’m afraid. There needs to be more dancing in this world. I still remember the first time a gorgeous man held out his hand and asked me to dance, and really dance. sigh. Kinda sad it’s a Saturday night and I’m on the couch. But I do have a well oiled excuse (believe it or not) I’m busy for the next three weekends and so I scheduled this couch time so ner

Next weekend I have a three day ride with a mix of Canberra and Melbourne crews, totally can’t wait for that. It seems like forever since I’ve been for a weekend ride!!! It’s been driving me nuts! It’s going to be amazing fun and yes I will tell you all about it But jesus people I hope you’re not counting on me for riding adventures - get your freakin arse out there and do it yourself!!!

Weekend after that I’m taking flex and getting down to Melbourne where I intend to shake my arse all over the place lol! Ohhh I so can’t wait for that either. Just a little taste of big city life: the abundance of men, good coffee, cafe’s, jazz music, art, St. Kilda, Hardware lane ……… sigh

Weekend after that is more of a social event then a ride but if last years party is anything to go by it should be a blast!!. The girls ride will be heading to a mystery spot (so you nasty ill-intentioned gentlemen can’t find us) where we will be sipping tea (read tequila), enjoying the sweet serenade of some nice young men (read a rockin out band), enjoying each others polite company (read getting into all sorts of shenanigans), sharing decent mannered conversation with well brought up young men (read bachelor party) and enjoying a full nights beauty rest ( read bed 6am, road 10am).

So I’m sure you can understand why I’m couching it this weekend, at my age I need to keep my strength up hehe. And just like on the bike, if you put me on a leash then let me go - watch out!

ha well it seems like we have come to the end of this lame arsed movie, turns out it’s the ‘true story’ of the famous dancer and dance teacher Pierre Dulaine. “He invented the Dulaine method of teaching dance. He also developed Dancing Classrooms, a social development program for 5th grade children that uses ballroom dancing as a vehicle to change the lives of the children and their families.”

Well, I guess there’s something in that for all of us isn’t there

I know pretty much nothing, which most of you would surmise is because I have breasts. I’m not ashamed of having breasts and I fully accept that they come with certain shortcomings such as having to buy make up, lingerie, tampons, being asked if that’s your boyfriends motorbike, having a lack of direction (ricecooker you would be an exception to this one) and a total lack of any mechanical knowledge that allows the fat lazy mechanic to give you that look up and down, call you love and charge you double while looking down your blouse as you’re signing your credit card away.

But I consider myself to be a smart girl and so have gotten away with feigning understanding as guys stand around scratching their balls discussing cam chains and pistons and god knows what else. Seeing as guys are mostly in love with talking about the subject and are no where near as bright as we fairer sex, they are typically gullible and will take any slight nod or ‘yeah tell me about it’ as a sign that you are enthralled by such talk and know exactly what they mean. Sorry Dunit, here’s my confession! I have never had a clue what on earth you were jabbering about!

But I have decided to educate myself. I mean if guys can do it, how hard could it possibly be? I understand there will be sacrifice, like flaky nails with oil stuck in them - eeeeeew. But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

Mad Max to the rescue

He once tried to explain the workings of an engine to me, however as an ex copper he saw straight through my well developed firewall and could see that I really had no idea. So he proceeded to educate me. I promptly forgot a week later but it got me thinking I can do this dammit! So next thing I knew I was in the Mad Maxs garage with busdriver bleeding my brakes. Although this was a great and satisfying experience, it also led me to see how a well set up garage with home made tools were the only way to go. Enter the single, apartment dwelling girl dilemma, no garage thus no tools, let alone home made ones. So I sorta gave up on the idea.

But then came the GPZ550. Yes I know it’s a kwaka, sacrilegious really.

Mad Max said I could help on his 10+ year project. This engine has been sitting in his garage collecting saw dust for years. We had our first session on it a little while ago. I honed the bores to see how damaged they were. Turns out one of them has a scratch but we’re not sleeving them. We’re going with a 3mm oversize bore them and serco pistons. The rings on the ones he’s had lying around for years are completely seized. Also new head gasket, diaphragms and I have a feeling much more money will be spent and many of my nails will be chipped and black before this project starts to look like an engine (although still not quite sure what that’s supposed to look like).

I think Mad Max has a bigger project on his hands then he realises, and not just financially!

We headed out at the civilised time of 10am from the Hume servo and headed to Anamidaby where we were meeting some of the folk from Sydney. Then we headed for Tintaldra. Not much of a ride really so I think we’ll have to meet the Sydney crew at the destination next time so we can get some more twisties in!

The night was great, although what was with all the party poopers, Seph and ricecooker were the only ones left up at 10.30?????? Poor effort people!! The food that the park put on was just brilliant, maybe that’s what put everyone under the table. There was also much dancing!

So I figured everyone was  in bed so there was nothing left to it - if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em. But it didn’t turn out to be quite that easy. Bubba had fallen into our tent and sleep became impossible. It was like trying to sleep next to a freight train! Then ricecooker and bubba started responding to each others sleep talk. If I wasn’t so tired it would have been hilarious. 

So Saturday wasn’t too much fun on the road, buckets of caffeine didn’t seem to help much, and it was all tight and twistie so i hung back a bit. Saturday night was in Bright. We’d had a few bourbans already when boys on bikes started to roll in. Ricecooker and I got a little excited by this till they took their helmets off and we saw their chicken strips - ahhhhhhh. Wrong wrong wrong. It got a bit cold so I went to my room and grabbed a cardigan and a scarf and sat down for a second, then lay down and next thing I knew I was dead to the world!

Sunday was awesome. I’d had sleep, an excellent breakfast and coffee and was ready to hit the road. We headed for Mt Hotham. Again tight and twistie on the way up but it’s worth it for the way down :)

Bubba reckoned he could beat me to Omeo so it was on. After the last few days of tight twisties, I was finally let off my leash. He started out, every corner i was up his arse then he’d speed out in the straights and i couldn’t quite get past him. He even played dirty, moving out on me when I was trying to pass. Eventually he let me through and I ruled all the way to Omeo. He says we came in neck and neck, but only cause i rolled off when I hit the first speed sign out from town. I’ve never ridden that road that fast! We nailed it and i couldn’t get my helmet off fast enough to yell ‘FUCK YEAH!!!”

Hit the servo and the lady behind the counter remembered me from last time.

‘Beat the boys again huh?’ she asked with a smile on her face

‘Yep’

Had a most excellent weekend!

Day 1: Friday was hell at work cause all I could think of was getting to the meet point at 4pm for our ride to Cann River. Turns out we made pretty good time, left Canberra at 4.15 and got to the Cann River Pub at 7, well before dark. So it was Bourbons all round followed by a massive plate of food that I actually finished! In the effort to prepare for the next few big nights we turned in at a rather civilised time

Day 2: We got woken up by loud talking fisherman that were all together too chirpy to be allowed to live. After a mouthful or two of really bad coffee we got organised and hit the road. Totally caned every road I came across that day!!!! We were headed for the second most beautiful road in the world! Omeo to Mt Hotham!! That is just pure heaven, the sweepers last so long and you get so close to the bitumen that you just feel dirty. It’s fantastic! (Number one road is Black Spur of course;))

At Omeo I met the most incredible man! He was on this really old BMW with German plates from the 60’s I think. He was gorgeous and wearing these old moleskin leathers. Turns out he’s travelling round the world. What he’s doing makes Charley Boorman look like a sissy. He’s ridden through Siberia, Afghanistan, Russia, right through Europe, Thailand and now Aus. He’s doing it all on his own without a support vehicle. He has some awesome stories so if you see him out there, buy the man a drink and give him my phone number

We also tacked Mt Beauty, Granier Gap and then we met up with a rag tag bunch from Vic at a pub, took them hours to get there though so I had a chance to work on my tan and eat a massive hamburger. So up next was getting to Khancoban, Mitch had promised us a pool and we were all looking forward to jumping in leathers and all! But alas it was not to be, the pool was freakin empty! *mumble mumble*

So all that was left was to have a bourban or two or three or…… well that went on all night. In between the Bourbons ricecooker and I ran into some guys from a bucks night, and they had a pool! Not to mention alcohol and meat Very entertaining young men I must say. But there was a happy birthday to sing and too many shananigans to take part in so we gave the boys the slip. But they keep calling me! Jesus boys, get over it. But it did start ricecooker and I thinking that it had been a while since the girls ride! Time to organise another one? With our record we’ll be sure to run into a bucks night yet again, it’s becoming a habit

Where we were staying there were a weird bunch of Poles, riding everything from a scooter (yes a scooter) to a CBR6, an old R1 and Harleys and BMWs. Thought it was pretty impressive to be out n Australia in the snowies with a bunch of bikes touring around so tried to say hello and got a pretty rude response. We left them alone

Day 3: We Get out onto the roads at the decent hour of 10am, we were headed for a big snowies loop and a stop at the top of Charlottes Pass. We headed from Khancoban towards Jindy where the lunch stop was scheduled. We didn’t make it that far though as one of the young bucks came off trying to keep up with the big boys. Totally overcooked a sharp left hander and hit the railing on the other side. Nasty gash on his knee and his ocky knob got bent back, few scraps but not too much damage. So took him back to Khancoban and stitched him up before rejoining everyone for lunch. Then it was onto Charlottes pass where our wallets became $6 lighter. Was worth it though, beautiful roads and a great view at the top! After Charlottes headed back to Khancoban where we overtook some very very very very very very very slow polish people who were all over the road. I swear bicycle would have been faster then these guys, pft and all that attitude! Took a while to get through them safely and it was highly frustrating! Afterwards there was a quieter night of drinking, shananigans and TV watching.

Day 4: Said our sad goodbyes to the Vic crew and headed for Canberra Got home round 3, just enough time to throw a load in the wash before heading back out to coffee. Had such an awesome weekend put a ride to the coast up on CR that night for the weekend :)

I just wanted to do it all over again, oh that’s right, doing it again in a few weeks Does life get any better?? I think not!!!

I still have a couple of years before I hit 30 but I’ve been mulling over the idea that I’m getting either old or uncooler by the day.

So what on earth would make me come up with such a preposterous statement you may ask. At least I hope you would ask. Well, it comes down to various factors:

1.     I don’t  watch much TV

And what I do watch is usually by accident. I’ve found the programing on ABC and SBS lately much more entertaining with a higher quality of acting with better story lines. It’s also much more informing. See how old does that sound??  I don’t know when it started happening but its starting to concern me. So much so that I plan on watching more mainstream TV as an experiment. At this stage I’m hoping to find ‘Wipeout Australia’ or ‘Aussie ladette to lady’ enthralling. Not sure it’ll happen though

2.     I don’t listen to the radio

When I’m in the car I tend to listen to CD’s or nothing at all. But I have a good argument for that! When I lived in Melbourne I used to spend a lot more time in my car and so had the time to listen through the radio and the ads, now it takes me 10min so what’s the point? I wonder how 104.7 survive? Probably rely on folks living in Gunghalin and Cooma I guess. So I think this one is forgivable?

But this has also led to me knowing nothing about today’s music. This is nothing new, I’ve never been cool enough to somehow get the alternative cool kid music (although I cried when Kurt Cobain died, does that count?) Thanks to a strong musical influence I have a deep love of 60’s and 70’s rock incl The Eagles, The Doors, The Doobie Brothers, Slade and a big soft spot for guys like Otis Redding, then there’s Hall and Oates, Earth Wind and Fire. I could go on but I would bore you

3.     I hardly ever go out

Now this is the saddest of all! I love dancing and I used to go out at least twice a week. If you wanted to find me on a Friday or Saturday night all you had to do was hit my fav club and find a podium. Bartenders would just send us drinks so we didn’t have to get off. We’d be dancing for hours and hours on end. Oh those were the days. —- See! I’m old enough to say that!!!

4.     Recovery

My recovery time from events such as a night out and a weekend bike trip away is getting looonger. I used to be able to not sleep and function perfectly well. Now I need at least 2  nights of good sleep to catch up! Now I luuuurve my sleep, I’m a big fan of the bedroom. But I find my reliance on it has increased somewhat

5.     Routine

I have begun to find that little things irritate me. I forgot my lunch in the fridge today and I got really annoyed at myself cause it meant that I couldn’t have the lunch that I’d prepared. When I get up in the morning and when I first get into the office I follow the same steps and if something happens to throw them off, it gets to me! And you should see what happens if I miss my coffee - scary! (but I think that’s aways been the case)

The only thing I have in my defence is that I ride a sports bike and love my weekends away with my fellow bikers where there is much partaking in twisties, drinking, shananigans and dancing under sprinklers. But is that really enough to say that I’m not turning into a grandma, hmmm probably not

Wow, look at the time, it’s like 9pm already, I’d better get ready for bed

I don’t get where this little boy fashion trend has come from, but if you’re male and reading this CUT IT OUT!  I’ve decided to blame their mothers and the fashion industry.

Mothers out there have been mollycoddling their sons without realising that they leave we single women to pick up the pieces at the end of it. They do everything for their ‘little angels’ and leave the world full of boys who have to look up the word responsibility and commitment in the dictionary. Mums out there if you’re listening and you ever want grandkids tell your sons to harden the fuck up and move out! And please don’t do their washing and cooking for them when they finally do. I’m begging you

Fashion industry: now there’s one I’ve never been a fan of. But seriously, what’s with the 12 year old boys on the covers these days. What’s wrong with a guy that looks like he can take care of himself, is confident enough to throw you up against a wall, is over the age of 28 and drinks his coffee black? What should be on the cover are grown men, preferably with shoulders and arms to die for, a nice square jaw with a two day growth and an easy smile; riding on a white horse and carrying you back to their big castle with a fully decked out garage with masses of bikes and a little guy named Manuel to service and polish them all ……………. Oh I digress ….

In conclusion, and on behalf of all the fabulous single women out there motormouse says to all the 20/30 something men out there – grow up and harden the fuck up, please!